The Gas We Pass

Why is it that the minute I fart someone appears?  Not just a normal, kind fart either.  I'm talking the hot, silent, stinky ones.  The SBD's of Assland.  I'm alone all evening at work except when I have to scan a patient.  I sit in my "control room" and mind my own everything waiting for my pager to go "beep beep beep" in the night.  On a really sloooooooow night I check the web, read a book, check the web some more and no one even comes near me or my four walls. 

Then the gas kicks in.  Heats up.  And stinks rotten hell!  POOF goes the fart and POOF appears a person.  It's not just work either.  At home I'll let one fly and within seconds there's a knock at the door.  And weirdest of all, I swear sometimes after laying a vapor pooper in my car a passenger will all of the sudden be sitting next to me.  How is that?

Food Review

I'm not often a sucker for food commercials.  Here and there I see one for Olive Garden or Don Pablos that has me scramming to find a partner in crime to indulge with me.  Or maybe a new flavor of the month at Culver's, even though I've only ever had ONE frozen custard from there.  The last few days I've been drooling over the new Sub at Subway.  The Cuban pulled pork.  I love myself some pulled pork so I thought I'd give it a shot.  It's on my way to work and I needn't find a friend to accompany me on a "take out" bender.  So I stopped, they built and I bought.  Subway always baffles me to begin with.  The commercial and the poster show the sandwich with pork, sliced ham, swiss cheese, pickles and mustard and maybe something else I'm forgetting, but the sandwich artist always asks what you want on it.  That always causes me to run amuk with the suggested fixin's!  So I end up with pepper jack cheese, lettuce, pickles, black olives and southwest chipotle mayo.  Toasted please, with a bag of plain chips.  Hold the soda.

So me with my current state of raging hormones and constant nausea inhales half the sub (I always get a foot long so I can have seconds at some point) and shortly after wants to puke.  Granted, everything has made me feel that way lately, but there was something "porky piggy" about the flavor of this meal.  I tasted a tad too much oink for my liking.  So I decided I didn't like the new Cuban pulled pork sammy from Subby.

Nonetheless I just ate the other half nearly 24 hours later and it didn't get any better, even with the added mustard packet.  Bummer.