Why is it that the minute I fart someone appears? Not just a normal, kind fart either. I'm talking the hot, silent, stinky ones. The SBD's of Assland. I'm alone all evening at work except when I have to scan a patient. I sit in my "control room" and mind my own everything waiting for my pager to go "beep beep beep" in the night. On a really sloooooooow night I check the web, read a book, check the web some more and no one even comes near me or my four walls.
Then the gas kicks in. Heats up. And stinks rotten hell! POOF goes the fart and POOF appears a person. It's not just work either. At home I'll let one fly and within seconds there's a knock at the door. And weirdest of all, I swear sometimes after laying a vapor pooper in my car a passenger will all of the sudden be sitting next to me. How is that?
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago