Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Oh Sandy

I get it now.  I shouldn't care, but I do and now I completely get it!  Jesse James couldn't handle having adopted a black child.  There's no way.  A guy who was once obsessed with Nazi's is also likely to be racist across the board.  Sure, he loved his movie star wife and was willing to go along with what she wanted but I think he cracked and sabotaged the marriage, likely without even realizing why.  Well, who knows.  I could be waaaaay off.  Afterall, he is Jesse James and there's always been a lot about him that I didn't think was right for some independent, all-American down-to-earth silly girl like Sandy.  Maybe it was his bad complexion, or his non-existent smile trying to smirk that shouted "I'm constantly pulling one over on you".  His slicked back balding crown maybe?  It wasn't even the tatt's or the two exes that made me dislike him.  Dudn't matter what I think though.  We've all been known to chase those bad boys.  Luckily for me, I never caught one.  I think it was my Mom that once said, "men like that want a lady in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom."  Or maybe it was all men she was refering to.  Nonetheless, you can't put a Sandra with a Jesse.  Something like a "Bombshell" or a black baby is bound to break that.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

What went wrong

We need to move.  I almost can't take my neighbors anymore.  Well most are okay but one in particular, along with his family, I could do without.  I'm sorry for feeling that way.  I feel bad for feeling that way because I've befriended them, her more so.  You see, he has anger issues when he isn't smoking pot.  It's Jekyll and Hyde..on acid.  He can't indulge as of late because he is going to have to piss in a cup soon and it's getting so that I'm about to force feed him some happy brownies if he can't control his ignorant and angry mouth.  I don't even know exactly what was being said by the fire the other night, but I heard this "ya know when it all started to go downhill?  When women were allowed to vote".  HUH?  "Oh, I totally agree" I said "they are hormonal, politically uneducated and make decision soley on fashion and hair!"  Mouths dropped.  I think my man was about to vomit until I declared it a joke.  The funny thing is, I thought the ignorant one was joking as well until today when my honey and I were discussing the evening and he reassured me that "anger man" was serious.  Ouch.  How did I miss that.  I guess I didn't know there were people my age who felt that way.  And I guess I don't want to believe that people that feel that way have the balls to share it.  We all are entitled to opinions, yes?  But wow...some are hard to hear.  HOUSE FOR SALE

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Pretty Pretty Please.

About 6 years ago I did an ultrasound on a very sick little girl that had been battling Ewing's Sarcoma, a bone cancer that afflicts children.  I believe she was about 10 back then.  Ever since I have been following her Caring Bridge site, celebrating her triumps and wiping tears over her flare ups.  She has been and continues to be one of the bravest young women I know.  Thankfully, I don't know many that are as sick as she has been or gone through anything nearly as horrible.  She's had multiple rounds of chemo and radiation and surgeries on her bones.  And yet, through it all she has remained a "dancer" and a champ.  She's been bald most of her life and has never even worn a wig!  I mean c'mon!  It breaks my heart that a few days ago I read on her website that she is at the U of M hospital, likely in hospice care so she can be kept comfortable while she passes on.  There is nothing left that anyone can do..on this side anyway.  And I don't know who is braver at this point, her or her parents?  How do you accept that?  How do you say goodbye?  She has a new baby brother she won't get to help raise.  She might of gone to prom but did she get to kiss a boy?  Well maybe it's a good thing she doesn't have to ever experience that heartbreak.  Anyway, each day I check in on her I do so with great hesitation, fearing the worst when I click and see her pretty face smiling and scroll down to read the final words.....
And so let me ask just this one favor,
Please make it quick.  Please make it painless.  Pretty, pretty please.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Ode to Odor

Illness stinks.  Literally.  Most things unhealthy do, I spose.  Like obesity, for instance.  Morbid obesity, not just a spare tire or two.  Stuff settles under and in between and waaaay deep beyond that tends to surface when someone lies down, or just begins to undress.  The only way I can describe it is by throwing out the word yeast.  Like when homemade bread is rising.  Or pizza crust is being tossed in the air, and not in that cool, sexy way.  Ever recall making glue from scratch?  I don't remember what was all in that, but that is the smell.  Just like that.  That is not even as bad, really.  Cause that isn't hiding under someones pannis.  Sometimes you can see it too, and it looks more yeasty than it smells.  It curdles up on the end of my transducer.  It gets on my gloved hand (so thankful for gloves).  It settles in your nostrils for hours.

Equally stinky is stomach acid.  Most patients that vomit in my presence project acid my way.  I assume it's because they have thrown up everything at home before even coming to the ER and then they are given pain meds that make them nauseated and then given something for the nausea and it all comes up in front of me just as I'm about to lie them flat for the exam.  It's sour.  It's bitter.  It's day-glo yellow.  I've experienced my own acidity before and it burns through your nose.  And it settles there.  Just like yeast.

Worst of all is the sick smell of jaundice, usually from liver disease.  These patients are golden, seriously.  Again, not in that cool, sexy way.  They are very ill.  They look pregnant because their liver has stopped functioning properly and they are full of ascites (aka fluid).  This fluid has a smell very similar to stomach acid, but worse for some reason.  Maybe because it's seeping through the skin?  I don't know.  If you wiped up the acidic vomit with a musty, dirt dish towel you'd probably come very close to matching the scent of liver failure.  And as you inhale it swings from nasal hair to cilia to the very core of your oropharynx olfactory factory and it settles there.  Just like yeast and stomach acid, but with the urgent need for a shower.

Believe it or not, feces does not make my list of stanky stinky odors.  I don't deal with it often in my department.  Occasionally, I am overcome by a patient in ICU that just had a movement and it's quite overwhelming.  But it is because of Vicks VapoRub that I've been able to withstand several years with these smells.  And for that, I am grateful.  I just wish that settled in your nostrils just like yeast, and stomach acid.  And jaundice. 

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Que Pasa?

I feel like I need to write, or blog just to satify my own "blog withdrawal" but I have nothing to say!  Actually, I have to pause for a moment to scan a man's scrotum...doot di do...

10 minutes later....

Blogger's block.  Is there such a thing?  I hate to waste people's time with meaningless words of nothing.  Then again, who's reading?  Not to offend the few that are!  LOL!  So how 'bout an update.

I'm back from Arizona and had the most wonderful time.  It was the first time I recall being there when the desert was "in bloom" and it was soooo much prettier and sightly than ever before.  I've always been an ARIZONA: TAKE IT OR LEAVE it bumper sticker and now I think I've become a bit more ARIZONA: YA GOTTA SEE THE DESERT BLOOM.  The weather was gorgeous, the accomodations were superb ('cept for the litle scorpion that tried to crash our pad but got violently evicted) and the company was absolutely GRAND!  I even found a new boyfriend on the trip!  If only I was 30 years younger.  We ate great, soaked up a little sun and a lot of wine and had intellectual drunken conversations.  What more could you ask for? And the best part was that I got to do it all with my Mom and Sister.  THANK YOU, if you are out there.

Just an update on my relationship-it's rockin' like never before.  I don't know why one waits a year to vomit all his supressed shit on me, but he made some valid points and after I burped back things seem to be going so smoothly (for now) that he told me today that if this "fix" continues we can soon try for numba two!  I'm very happy 'bout dat.  It made me cry and tingle.  Oh, speaking of tingling...

...the nite I returned from my AZ trip I had my first non-coppertop orgasm!  Well, I've had a couple before, a decade or so ago but since then my mind has checked out down there due to lack of activity sans the energizer bunny.  And it was a good one!  Not some little miniscule "o" that makes you think later that maybe you were just kinda...close?  It made my man cry!  I'm not kidding either.  It's been weighing on him for five plus years the poor, patient thing.  It came about orally, but that's okay!  And then two nights later I had another.  My secret?  If one must know...I did some serious fantasizing.  I didn't exclude him at all, but rather added several more of him.  Well, T.M.I. really.  But I thought I'd share.  Now he's really gonna want it ALL THE TIME!  haha.

On that note, it's back to work time.  Nite.