What's worse?

Have you ever been "SWANKED"?

I used to think it was painful to watch Hilary in any movie.  My sister and I dubbed it "gettin' Swanked".  We could be talking on the phone and one of us would screech in horror:

Me: "What?"
Her: "I just got Swanked"
Me:  "Oh no!  I'm sorry!"
Her: "I need a drink"
(We are always looking for reasons to drink)

Seriously, she was at one time cute but maybe she lost so much weight that she became man-faced or something, I dunno.  But I can't watch movies with her in them!  I seriously thought nothing could be worse. 

Until now.  Until this happened:

You have now contracted The Zellweger!  UGH!  Lately every photo I see of her makes me cringe.  I feel nauseated and dizzy like I'm gonna puke or faint.  What happened?

And how did she land this?

Well helloooo BLUE EYES!

I now think I'd rather get Swanked any day.  I do not want another case of The Zellweger.  Now could someone be so kind as to "Cooper" me?