Have you ever been "SWANKED"?
I used to think it was painful to watch Hilary in any movie. My sister and I dubbed it "gettin' Swanked". We could be talking on the phone and one of us would screech in horror:
Her: "I just got Swanked"
Me: "Oh no! I'm sorry!"
Her: "I need a drink"
(We are always looking for reasons to drink)
Seriously, she was at one time cute but maybe she lost so much weight that she became man-faced or something, I dunno. But I can't watch movies with her in them! I seriously thought nothing could be worse.
Until now. Until this happened:
You have now contracted The Zellweger! UGH! Lately every photo I see of her makes me cringe. I feel nauseated and dizzy like I'm gonna puke or faint. What happened?
And how did she land this?
Well helloooo BLUE EYES!
I now think I'd rather get Swanked any day. I do not want another case of The Zellweger. Now could someone be so kind as to "Cooper" me?
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago