I leave for Arizona in just over a week. I'm looking forward to it like you wudntevenfuckingbelieve. The man is bored, depressed and flat out lazy lately and the kid, well she's driving me up the wall! The persistence of a two year old is like no other, save for maybe a crack whore. I have taken away her snacks, yet she finds multiple other things to zone in on and beg me for. Here's an example of our exchange when she comes home from daycare today.
Can I have a tic tac peeeees?
No. No tic tac honey.
(Voice gets a tad louder) I wanna TIC TAC!
No. I said no. No tic tac.
I WANNA TIC TAC!
(Louder yet) I WAANNNNA TIC TAAAAC!!!
(Now I'm loud) NOOOO!
At this point her arm swings back to gear up for the hit and luckily she makes the decision to hit the couch rather than me...this time.
I WANNA TIC TAC! *slap couch*
Normally at this point I would scoop her up abruptly, so as to mean business, and put her in her corner. It works every time. It changes her focus, even if it is just a teeny time out in the rule book of time outs. However, because of a stupid pair of old Steve Madden shoes with the chunky, early to mid 90s heel, I can barely walk today. I did not want to get off the couch to train my toddler.
I was told I "rolled" my ankle. I didn't trip, or fall I just rolled. And this morning after a night of partying with my sister on her 40th birthday, I woke up with not a headache, but an ankle..ahem...cankle ache. Ouch. And ewwwwwe. It's swollen and purple and ugly. It's about ten times the normal size, right on the ball of the ankle. I can't remember ever having an ankle issue. In fact the only other time I can recall swelling is when I was pregnant and my feet swelled up to look like a duck-billed platypus, but there was no pain to escort that puff.
Now today I'm pissed. I'm mad because this likely means no elliptical training, no Wii Fit Plus for awhile. A connection in the emergency room said I need to stay off of it and elevate it when possible. She said sprains can be just as bad as fractures because people assume they can keep on keepin' on when really they should stay off the foot if possible and baby the hell out of it for a speedier recovery. How da heck am I supposed to lose more weight if I can't work out? I was just getting addicted. The one addiction I fought all my life was finally wrapping itself around me and now I gotsta push it back, say no and keep it at arms length? I guess I might have to. I need this foot to heal so it can travel around Arizona. I don't wanna be climbing those streets in Jerome on a bad ankle.
Curse you Steve Madden. Can't you make roll-proof shoes? Or maybe you do by now and I don't know it because I just don't shop much. Maybe you invented some whilst in prison. Maybe you started thinking about how you could better the lives of your shoe wearin' drunkards. Could you do that SM? It's too late for me, but you could save someone else!
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago