About a year back my daughter stopped wanting to leave daycare when I came to pick her up. I wasn't really offended since I was never one to leave a party before passing out or being dragged out. I understood there was fun to be had. It was the fight that got old so I came up with the perfect solution all on my own. I'll give her Skittles when she gets buckled in her carseat as her reward for leaving peacefully and at her own will. And it worked!
Well, certain members of my parenting party didn't like that she was eating six Skittles a week and asking for them after "punching out" so to speak so I switched to the ONE CALORIE TIC TAC and made sure she understood she was only to get them in the car, after daycare. And maybe occasionally on longer road trips. For example, on our way to my nieces graduation party.
"Can I have a Tic Tac peeeees?"
The talented driver I am I pour the usual two out into my palm and twist my arm just so in the direction of the back seat and she diligently picks them out of my palm. She's gotten good too, because in the past she'd often drop one and it would disappear into carseat space and all hell would break loose until I replaced the one that'd vanished at the expense of her little fingers.
All of the sudden I hear crying. What now? Did she drop one? She doesn't usually cry about it. Then my nephew who luckily was sitting next to her in the back seat informed me that one did indeed get lost. But this time it faded up into nasal space. And there around her teeny tiny nostril was a hint of apple green candy color that got left behind to prove the crime.
Now I've heard of this before. I think my bestie's daughter put a felt tip from a marker up her nose and had to see a physician to get it out..or something like that. I panicked. I was driving, what could I possibly do? I was on a super fast, crazy busy interstate. Do I pull over? Then before I could make a decision my nephew announces he successfully retrieved the evil little culprit. Whew. And guess who sat very quietly in the passenger seat without saying a word or reacting the least bit. Yup...the Skittle Nazi himself that also tried to police the Tic Tac consumption and I refused to reform.
Needless to say (then why say it?) no more Tic Tac's. Although it coulda been worse. It coulda been a Skittle.
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago